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PMA Cadet Aldrin Jeff Cudia ‘di makaka-graduate matapos ma-late ng dalawang minuto?

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By Annavee Cudia
Balita ko po 2 MILLION PESOS ang ginagastos ng gobyerno para sa mga kadete ng PMA pero bakit basta-basta na lang sila pinapa-alis? Ang kapatid ko ay si Aldrin Jeff Cudia na NUMBER 2 sa Class 2014, top sa Navy Class, ang Deputy Baron. Tiniis ang pahirap sa PMA upang makatapos ng pag-aaral ngunit ngayon dahil lamang nahuli ng DALAWANG MINUTO sa isang klase ay hindi siya papayagang mag-graduate? 

Ang pamilya namin ay taga Arayat, Pampanga, maralita lamang kami ngunit iginapang ng aking magulang ang aming pag-aaral. Napakatindi ng hirap ng buhay kolehiyo naming apat na magkakapatid. 

Kami po yung mga estudyante na pumapasok sa eskwelahan na walang laman ang tiyan pero pumapasok pa din. Dahil gusto namin matuto at makapagtapos. 

Kami po yung bente pesos lang ang baon (dose pesos na pamasahe, otso pesos pambili ng kendi. Wag na magpaxerox, isulat na lang ng buo ang pahina.). 

Kami po ung rumaraket magkapera lang pansuporta sa pa xerox at project na kelangan sa eskwelahan. Tubig lang baon ni pambili ng biskwit eh wala. 

Pero nakatapos na po ang dalawa sa amin, naging dean’s lister pa at nakapasa sa board exam. Salamat sa magulang namin na ginapang kami, binenta ang mga alahas at lupa ultimo wedding ring at college ring makapagtapos lamang kami. 

Salamat sa mga taong nagpautang sa amin at sa Diyos Ama na binigyan kmi ng MATIBAY NA PAGPAPAHALAGA SA EDUKASYON.

Si Aldrin Jeff na aking kapatid ay unang pumasok sa PUP bilang iskolar ng BS Accountancy. Alam nyo po ba na kahit P666 lang ang tution fee ni Aldrin sa PUP ay muntikan na syang matigil sa pagaaral? Nilalakad nya lang ang PUP mula sa tinutuluyan namin sa Balic-Balic, Sampaloc. 

Dahil pangarap ni Aldrin Jeff ang magsilbi sa bayan bilang sundalo (kagaya ng aming tatay) siya ay pumasok sa PMA. Nabawasan na rin ang pabigat sa aking magulang dahil libre duon, 
Dinanas ni Aldrin ang lahat ng pahirap. Sa pagsikikap nya sa pag-aaaral ay nasira ang kanyang mga mata at kailangan manalamin. Sabi ko sa kanya, kung ayaw na nya sabihin nya lang. Ang sagot nya ay ganito : “Ate, ok naman ako dito. May sarili akong kama na malambot.” Natutulog lang kasi sya sa upuan na mahaba buong buhay nya sa kolehiyo. Nais din niyang makatapos sa PMA upang maipagamot ang libre ang nanay namin sa VLuna Hospital. 

Pinagsabihan ko siya na huwag na siya magsikap na maging top student dahil alam kong mapapansin siya at maaaring pag-initan.Pero hindi mapigilan ang ang pagmamahal nya sa pag aaral kaya siya ay dapat magtapos bilang TOP 2 sa class 2014 ng PMA. 

Kilala siyang matulungin. Hindi agad agad umuuwi kapag bakasyon upang tulungan ang iba na kailangan mag-removals. Lima na sa kanyang propesor ang nagsasabi na isa siya sa mga kakaunting huwaran sa academic excellence. Magaling pa siya magsulat. Wala silang masasabing pandaraya na kanyang ginawa. 

Ngayon ay isang buwan na syang nakakulong sa holding center… Pinapag resign na sya… Pinapaalis… Pero ayaw nya dahil NILALABAN nya ANG TAMA, DANGAL AT PRINSIPYO NYA. Daig pa nya si Napoles. Bawal ang bisita kahit kadete o pati chaplain ng PMA. Inanunsiyo na ng kanilang Commandant na dismissed na siya. At ito ay dahil lamang NAHULI SIYA NG 2 MINUTO SA KLASE. 

Nang nangyari ito, binigyan siya ng 11 demerits at 13 hours of touring at ginawa niya ito. Nilapitan ng kapatid ko ang kanyang tactical officer upang mag-appeal dahil ito ay karapatan nila at dahil hindi naman niya kasalanan ang nangyari. Sinabihan kasi siya at iba pang kadete ng kanilang propesor na maghintay sandali at may ibibigay na papel. Nang tinanong si Aldrin bakit siya nahuli, sabi niya sila ay nahuli ng pagdismiss ang propesor nila. 

Sabi ng Honor Committee ay kasinungalingan daw yun at dapat daw ay sinabi niya “pinahintay kami ng propesor pagkatapos ng klase.” Hindi ba pareho lang naman yun? 

Dahil ang kasinungalingan daw ay violation ng honor code, dismissal agad ang recommendation ng Honor Committee. Hindi nila pinansin ang written affidavit ng propesor na nagsasabi na tama ang sabi ni Aldrin Jeff na nahuli ang pagdismiss sa kanila. At bakit naman magsisinungaling ang kapatid ko at gagawa ng bagay na ikahahadlang ng kanyang graduation at makamtan ang matangal na niyang pangarap na magsilbi sa bayan bilang sundalo? 

Kung sinasabi nyo na nagsisinungaling ang kapatid ko, pati ba yung PROPESOR nila nagsabi na tama ang sabi ni Aldrin ay nagsisinungaling din? Siya ay pinatawan ng 13 oras ng touring at 11 demerits dahil sa late samantalang yung ibang kadete na nahuli din sa klase ay 8 demerits at 8 hours of touring lang. Swerte nila dahil nakita nila ang ginawa kay Aldrin kaya isinulat nila ang gustong marinig ng Honor Committee. 

Kasalanan ba ng kapatid ko na hindi sya articulate sa pagpapaliwanag at hindi niya nahulaan ang gustong marinig ng Honor Committee? 

Napag-initan si Aldrin ng kanyang tactical officer kaya naging makitid ang kanyang pag-iisip sa pagpataw ng kaparusahan. Siya lang ang titser na nagbigay ng mababang grado sa kapatid ko dahil matanong siya sa klase. Bata pa lamang si Aldrin ay palatanong na at palabasa pa. Masama na po pala ang magtanong. Ang masaklap ay HINDI SYA KINAUSAP ng mga matataas na opisyal sa PMA at nakinig lamang sa tactical officer at sa Honor Committee. 

Isa pang di namin MATANGGAP, bakit ayaw nyong buksan muli ang kaso? Ano ang tinatakpan nyo? Bakit minamadali nyong paalisin ang kapatid ko kahit nalaman na hindi pala unanimous ang boto ng Honor Committee? Hindi ba nasa honor code na dapat ay lahat boboto ng guilty upang magpataw ng verdict na dismissal? 

Ang nangyari pala sa botohan ay may isang botong tumutol. Ang ginawa ay pinagkaisahan siya para mapilitan nyang palitan ang boto. At hindi ito sinulat sa minutes ng meeting at sinabing 9-0 ang botohan. 

Nasa Academy pa lang corrupt na at marunong nang magdagdag-bawas! 

Lahat ng nakabasa ng APPEAL ng kapatid ko, tingin nila TAMA AT WALANG GINAWA ANG KAPATID KO. Di ba nga kasi ang turo nyo ay SUMUNOD SA UTOS NG NAKAKATAAS? Hindi ba nakakataas ung propesor na nagutos sa kanya? 

BUKAS, iaannounce na ang mga TOP 10 NG pma. Sa February 20, simula na ng OJT nila. Pero lahat ng yon at ang mga pinaghirapan nya ng 4 na taon mawawala ng parang bula. 

ASAN NA ANG TUWID NA LANDAS NI PNOY? Sya pa naman ang speaker nyo sa pagtatapos. Kung nasa PMA pa lang ay baluktot na ang hustisiya at hinahayaan ang kasinungalingan, paano pa kung nasa labas na ang mga PMA graduates? Nasaan ang dangal dito? 

Lalaban kami… Fight the good fight of faith… Nagpapalakas sa amin ang MADAMING TAONG tumutulong at nagdadasal para samin. Kung matalo man kami, madaming tao na ang nakakaalam ng nangyari. 

Kung gayon, hindi lang ang kinabukasan ng kapatid at pamilya ko ang NINAKAW NYO. Pati pagpapagamot ng NANAY KO! 

Naniniwala po ako sa hustisya. Kung di man namin makuha sa INYO yun, pag dating ng panahon na haharap na tayo sa LUMIKHA, Sana masabi nyo pa rin na TAMA ANG GINAWA NYO. 

Sa DIYOS na ang hustisya. 

Makarating sana po toh sa kinauukulan ng PMA, AFP at sa buong bayan. 

Saloobin ko po ito bilang pamilya ni Aldrin. 
Salamat po. 

Lubos na gumagalang; 
(c) Annavee Cudia
https://www.facebook.com/annaveecudia

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Ang orihinal na post ni Ms. Cudia sa Facebook

 
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Posted by on February 18, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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MEDIA KILLINGS SERYOSO NA — ALAM

MULING sumilakbo ang galit ng mga mamamahayag matapos sunud-sunod na malagasan sa loob lamang ng dalawang linggo.

Ayon kay Alab ng Mamamahayag (ALAM) Chairman Jerry Yap, hindi pa nareresolba ang pagpatay sa mga naunang media men ay heto na naman ang dalawang pinatay.

Ang pinakahuli ay isang journalist na si Michael Milo, national supervisor ng Prime Radio FM at managing editor ng Prime Balita Newspaper sa Tandag City, Surigao del Sur.

Si Milo ay pinagbabaril hanggang sa mapatay noong Biyernes ng isang riding in tandem sa na taga-Purok Palmera, Barangay Mabua, Tandag City ng mga hindi pa nakikilang suspek.

Ayon kay Surigao Del Sur Provincial Police Officer In Charge Supt. Romeo Ramos, nakasakay sa motorsiklo ang biktima nang sundan ito ng isang motorsiklo na may tatlong sakay.

Ilang araw pa lamang ang nakalilipas, brutal na pinatay rin si Davao del Norte Press & Radio-TV Club member Joash Dignos.

Si Dignos ay host ng blocktime radio program “Bombardeo” sa DXGT Radyo Abante 92.1 FM sa Maramag, Bukidnon.

Tulad ni Milo, pinagbabaril hanggang sa mapatay si Dignos ng apat na hindi kilalang lalaki sa isa na namang motorcycle-riding suspects.

Bago pinatay ang dalawang journalist ay kapwa sila nakatanggap ng mga death threats ngunit binabalewala nila ito.

Anim na buwan na ang nakararan, dalawang lalaki naman ang maghagis ng granada sa istasyon ng DXGT station na pinagtatrabahuhan ni Dignos ngunit wala pa ring linaw ang imbestigasyon dito.

“Seryoso na ang mga nagaganp na patayan,” ani Yap. “Walang takot ang mga kriminal, at pare-pareho ang estilo sa pagpatay. Riding in tandem at pagbaril. Hindi pa ba nababahala ang gobyerno sa mga nagaganap na patayang ito?”

“Kahit si (Communications Chief) Sonny Coloma, inaming seryoso na ang mga patayang ito. Sana naman, hindi puro lip-service lang ang gobyerno. Kumilos naman sila.”

Giit pa ni Yap, sa nasabing mga pagpatay sa mga miyembro ng media at kitang-kita ang hayagang paglabag sa ginarantiyahan ng gobyerno na kalayaan sa pamamahayag sa Pilipinas.

“Sa Pilipinas, delikado ang buhay ng journalist na kritikal sa mga pulitiko at mahilig pumuna sa mga mali nilang ginagawa,” ani Yap. “Lahat kami, delikado ang buhay dahil tinutupad namin ana aming mga tungkulin na ibulgar ang katiwalian.”

Idinagdag pa ng dating pangulo ng National Press Club (NPC) na hindi dapat pinatatagal ang mga ganitong kaso.

“Nakakaalarma na at nakakatakot,” dagdag pa ni Yap. “Kung ganyang inaamin ng Task Force Usig (ng Philippine National Police – PNP) at Task Force 211 (ng Department of Justice –DOJ) na inutil sila at hindi nila kaya ang mga ganitong kaso, buwagin na lamang yan. Dagdag-gastos pa yan sa gobyerno, inutil naman.”

Sina Dignos at Milo ang ika-20 at 21 biktima ng media killings sa panahon ng panunungkulan ni Pres. Benigno Simeon Aquino III.

 
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Posted by on December 9, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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‘Dasal, panawagan alay sa mga biktima ng Maguindanao Massacre’

Panalangin at panawagan sa katarungan ang alay ng media group Alab ng Mamamahayag (ALAM) sa muling paggunita sa tinaguriang Maguindanao Massacre noong Sabado, November 23.

Hiniling din ni ALAM Chairman Jerry Yap na maibigay na ang tulong sa mga naiwan ng 34 na mamamahayag na kasamang nasawi sa nasabing massacre.

“Maraming nangako ng tulong,” ani Yap. “Si Maguindanao Gov. (Esmael) Toto Mangudadatu, na nangakong bibigyan ng livelihood at pag-aaralin niya ang mga anak ng mga nabiktimang journalist. Ewan ko kung ano na ang nangyari sa pangakong iyon.”

Bukod kay Mangudadatu, maraming politiko rin ang nangako ng tulong sa mga naulila ng nasabing mga mamamahayag.

Matatandaang naganap ang tinaguriang Maguindanao Massacre o Ampatuan Massacre noong November 23, 2009, matapos matagpuan ang mga mass graves sa Ampatuan, Mahuindanao.

Kinidnap at pinatay ang may 58 katao habang patungo si Gov. Mangundadatu, sa bayan ng Buluan upang kumandidato laban kay Datu Unsay Ampatuan, Jr, anak ng noon ay kasalukuyang gobernador ng Maguindanao na si Andal Ampatuan, Sr.

Ang mga Ampatuan ay kinikilalang pinakamakapangyarihang angkan ng mga pulitiko sa nasabing probinsya.

Kasama sa mga pinatay ang asawa ni Mangudadatu at dalawang kapatid na babae; 34 na journalists; mga abugado; aides, at mga motoristang nakasaksi sa krimen o aksidenteng nakakita sa convoy.

Ilan beses rin na umapela ang National Press Club (NPC) of the Philippines na noon ay nasa pamumuno ni Jerry Yap, upang mabigyan ng katarungan ang ang 34 na miyembrong nakasama sa massacre.

“Alam nating lahat na ito ang pinakamatinding pag-atake sa media sa buong kasaysayan ng Pilipinas,” ani Yap. “Dapat lamang silang mabigyan ng hustisya at kumpensasyon.”

Itinuturing ang Pilipinas na ikalawang pinakadelikadong lugar para sa mga mamamahayag, pumapangalawa lamang sa Afghanistan, kung saan may nagaganap na digmaan.

Inaasahan ni ALAM Chairman Jerry Yap na tutuparin ni Judge Jocelyn Solis Reyes ang kanyang pangako na tatapusin niya ang paglilitis sa kasong ito bago matapos ang Pnoy administration.

 
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Posted by on November 25, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Task Force Usig pinabubuwag ng ALAM

Nanawagan ang media group Alab ng Mamamahayag (ALAM) sa gobyerno na buwagin na ang Task Force Usig ng Philippine National Police (PNP) at Task Force-211 ng Department of Justice (DOJ) dahil wala silang nagawa laban sa mga media killers.

Ayon kay ALAM Chairman Jerry Yap, sa halip na makatulong ay nakagugulo pa ang PNP-TF USIG dahil sa pagbibigvay nito ng kung anu-anong komentong hindi pinag-iisipan.

Para kay Yap, hindi seryoso ang administrasyon ni Pres. Benigno Simeon Aquino III sa pagresolba sa mga kaso ng pagpatay sa media.

Sa loob ng apat na taon, ang itinuturing na pinakamalaking pag-atake sa kalayaan sa pamamahayag ng bansa, ang Ampatuan Massacre ay hindi pa nareresolba.
Sa nasabing massacre, 54 katao ang walang awang pinatay kung saan kasama ang 32 journalist at media practitioners.

Gayunman, itinuturing ito ng PNP-TF USIG na hindi work-related violence kundi election related violence lamang dahil hindi umano sila ang target ng mga killers kundi ang kandidato.

Ayon kay Police Senior Inspector Al Paglinawan ng PNP Directorate for Investigation and Detective Management and Task Force Usig, nadamay lamang ang media men kaya nakasama sila sa mga pinatay.

“Inutil naman pala ang Task Force Usig, bakit hindi pa buwagin?” ani Yap. “Wala silang focus sa pagresolba ng pagpatay sa media. Ilang ulit na iyan sa panahon ni PNoy. Paulit-ulit, walang nangyayari. Malalaki at may koneksyon ang mga mastermind kaya hindi nila magalaw.”

Matatandaang inamin ni Paglinawan na wala silang gaanong magawa sa mga kaso ng media killings dahil nanlalamig na ang mga imbestigasyon dahil sa kawalan ng kakayahan ng nga pulis sa paghawak ng ganitong mga kaso.

Wala rin umano silang sapat na training para ingatan ang mga nakukuha nilang ebidensya.

Sinabi pa ni Paglinawan na mula nang hawakan nila ang mga kaso ng media killings ay nakapagtala na sila ng 43 work-related cases, kung saan 32-74% nito ay naisampa sa korte, 8-19% ang cold cases, 2 kaso ang sarado na at 2 kaso ang iniimbestigahan pa.

Hindi naman tumutugma sa nasabing bilang ang nakatala sa ALAM at National Press Club (NPC) of the Philippines.

Sa suma ng buong mundo, ikatlo na ang Pilipinas sa pinakadelikadong lugar para sa mga mamamahayag kung saan ang nangunguna ay ang Iraq at pangalawa ang Somalia dahil sa dami ng hindi nareresolbang kaso ng media killings.

Ani Yap, nangangahulugan lamang ito ng kawalan ng commitment ni Aquino Administration para maresolba ang nasabing mga pagpatay.

 
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Posted by on November 25, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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What Does Your Woman Really Want?

By Cucan Pemo
The behavior of women is as much of a mystery to men as that of men is to women. However, one thing is certain. The women love to be wooed. They want to be pursued. They want to be courted. They want men to try and win their affection. It’s a great psychological game that both men and women play. The winners enjoy it; the losers end up wondering what went wrong.

To end up as winner men need to understand what women want. Here is a list of seven qualities that every woman expects to see in their men:

1. Well groomed
Do women pay attention to the way a man is dressed?
Do women want men to open doors for them?

Just as men like their women to be pretty, women like their men to be well groomed. They expect their men to be courteous, well behaved and well mannered. Among other things, they expect them to know the social graces. They also expect them to be well dressed, and in tune with the fashion of the day. Men who are loud or bawdy are unlikely to win the attention of sensitive women. The same applies to those men who don’t pay sufficient attention to the way they look.

2. Good listener
Should men do what women want?
Listen carefully to what a woman says

All women want their men to pay attention to what they are saying. Men may not agree with their thinking but they should not make the mistake of looking bored or causal. They must pay attention, even if they don’t intend to do what their women want. The very fact that their point of view was considered before a decision was taken is enough to make the women happy. It is the basis of a strong relationship.

3. Good in bed
What do women want in bed?
Do women like to be forced?
How can women be made happy?

Every woman wants her man to be good in bed. They want to be aroused, and to be sexually fulfilled. The relationship has to be equal in the bed. The man must make an honest effort to fulfill the sexual needs of his women He should, however, not take advantage of a relationship. But he should respect those days when the woman wants to stay off. Women don’t like to be pushed into sex unless they are in a mood to do so. They would much rather prefer being cajoled and cuddled instead of being rushed into sex.

4. Honest and sincere
Do women want to know everything about their men?
Should men tell everything to women?

Two qualities that women value in their men are honesty and sincerity. They don’t want their men to cheat on them or to hold back anything from them. They would like to be equal partners in both the joys and sorrows of their men. Very often men try to hold back their problems related to work or their finances. This is not a good policy. Women feel more wanted and involved when their men take them into confidence. Men should also not try to delude women into false notions. They must gently inform them of their problems without being blunt or cruel. No woman wants to be told that she is ugly, fat or dumb. But, at the same time, they would not like their men to lie to them about their looks.

5. Stable career
How important is financial stability?
Are women after successful men?

Women want stability in their lives. They don’t want to be in a situation where they are forced to scrounge for favors. They would like their men to take care of all basic necessities of life. They would therefore prefer men who are successful and well organized. However, this does not mean that they want to hook the rich and the well placed. This is a wrong notion. Money and success alone is not enough to satisfy a woman.

6. Love for surprises
Should men give lavish gifts to win the love of women?
Gifts that women cherish the most

No woman wants to be tied to home and children. She would like some excitement in her life. This is where men need to be imaginative and thoughtful. The surprises need not be big; they can be as simple as enjoying an evening at the theatre, followed by a dinner at her favorite restaurant or it can be driving down to a resort at the weekend. The joy is multiplied if these bonuses come unannounced.

7. Intelligent and witty
Are witty men more charming?
How does intelligence matter in a relationship?

Women like their men to charm them. They would like them to be intelligent and witty, who can liven up the evenings and make a room come alive. Men who are dull and boring or too obsessed with their own musings are unlikely to enchant women. Women like men who are willing to chat with them on their wavelength.

Author Bio
Discover how you can easily bring back the Love of Your Life!

http://www.retrievealover.com

The Good News Is It Works For Both Men & Women!
More underground relationship and love tips, FREE special reports available Here. (ArticleGeek)

 
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Posted by on November 22, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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What Does Your Man Really Want?

By Cucan Pemo
If there is one question for which every woman wants an answer is what men want. This question crops up in the mind of every woman be it be a teenager going on her first date; a newly wedded wife getting ready for her husband to return from work; a single woman waiting to find the right man; a divorcee trying to rebuild her life.

This question has been asked by women in the past, and will be asked by women in the future too. It is a question that has no easy answers; with each relationship being completely different from another. The best one can do is to explore seven subjects that form the cornerstone of any relationship between men and women. These subjects hold the key for any woman to understand what men want.

1. Sex
What do men want in sex?
How frequent should be lovemaking?
Should it be passionate?
Should women have sex before marriage?

There is little doubt that most men are obsessed with sex. It is a biological need, and men should not be blamed for wanting sex. However, sex alone cannot build a long lasting relationship. It can bring a couple together but it cannot hold them together beyond a certain point.

What a woman must understand is that a man finds happiness and fulfillment in sex. A woman who is willing to reach out and unite in the act of lovemaking is most likely to win a man than a woman who uses sex as a manipulative tool.

Also, men are not ogres. They don’t go to women looking for sex alone. Most of them don’t want their partners to degrade themselves when making love to them. They would rather like all acts of lovemaking to be complete and fulfilling to both.

Men, in fact, agonize more than women if they are unable to excite their partners. This is because men can be easily aroused whereas it takes longer, and more foreplay in the case of women to get aroused.

There is little doubt that a man would like to take a woman to bed as quickly as possible. But few men want to make love if they find their partners are unwilling. Most of them don’t want to hurt or injure the feelings of a woman with whom they have developed a bonding or are in the process of doing so. Also, no man would insist on sex as a prerequisite to marriage.

Yes, every man has his fantasies about sex, and would like frequent and passionate sex with the woman he loves. One-night stands, as the name suggests, are only flings, not relationships.

2. Companionship
What kind of a companion does a man want?
How should women meet those needs?

Men want women with whom they can share their likes and dislikes, their fears and triumphs, their weaknesses and strengths… They want women who can empathize with their failures and revel in their triumphs.

Women who constantly find faults with their men are unlikely to win their love and respect. Every woman must remember that men are vain by nature. They need pampering, and even mothering. At the same time they need emotional fulfillment.

This does not mean that women have to become sports enthusiasts or political analysts to please their men. They only need to provide space to their men to follow their passions.

3. Homemakers
Should women be great cooks to win acceptance?
Should women alone be expected to keep house?
Is it a woman’s job to rear kids?

Today’s men respect the ambitions of women. They don’t want to relegate their wives to the role of a domestic help. They would like their women to do well in life. However, they would not like this to happen at the cost of their own careers.

Most women must realize that every man wants to be the main breadwinner. His male ego gets hurt if he has to depend on his wife to run the home. He would certainly expect his wife to cook for him on at least three to four days a week. He would also expect women to keep the home clean and well kept. The best that a man is willing to do is to extend a helping hand. But the woman has to be the main homemaker.

4. Emotional support
Should women give advice?
Are men open to points of view given by women?

Once again the male ego is too vain. It is not willing to listen easily to the advice given by better halves. Almost every man goes on the defensive when the woman he loves wants to correct him. He may accept the same advice from another male; but would be very reluctant to do so from a woman.

Women should therefore be careful. They should make men feel they can climb Mount Everest, if need be. They must encourage them by constantly telling them how much confidence they have in them. This will bring the best out of every man.

5. Looks matter
Should women doll up for men?
Is a woman’s figure important?
How important is it to dress up especially for men?

Men love beautiful women. They don’t want their woman to look dowdy. This is not only true at the time of dating but even after marriage. Women who allow their figures to slip are likely to loose the interest of their men. This may sound sexist but this is how life is. An attractive woman, who knows how to carry herself, will always turn male heads.

6. Private space
Why do men need time for themselves?
Are they hiding something?
Shouldn’t they share all their thoughts with me?

The best relationships are those where women are willing to wait; where they give time to their men to unwind themselves. They should not rush into their arms the moment they come home, and expect them to unburden themselves. Instead, they should wait for the right time when the man is more ready to share his inner thoughts. Even here, it is important to be patient, and encouraging. Don’t find faults with your man’s thinking; the chances are that he may shut himself off. Each man needs space to sort his thoughts. A woman can help him by being encouraging and understanding.

7. Respect
Do men need more respect than women?
How should a woman behave?

Finally, both men and women need respect if the relationship is to survive. This can only happen if a woman is willing to listen to her man. Also, a woman should respect a man’s interests even though they may be widely different from her. She should allow him necessary space to follow his interests which may be sports, politics or cards.

Women should learn to read between the lines if they want to earn the respect of their men.

Author Bio
Discover how you can easily bring back the Love of Your Life!

http://www.retrievealover.com

The Good News Is It Works For Both Men & Women!
More underground relationship and love tips, FREE special reports available Here. (ArticleGeek)

 
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Posted by on November 22, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Fight or Flight in Relationship Conflict

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
The fight or flight response is a natural response to danger. Our bodies are created to fight or flee when danger is upon us, such as being attacked by a mountain lion. When faced with this kind of danger, the stress hormones pour into our body, causing some blood to leave our brains and organs and go into our arms and legs. This is vital to us if we are actually being attacked by a mountain lion or a mugger. The problem is that this same response occurs when we become afraid in other situations, such as conflict with a partner.

When in conflict with a partner, we need to have the full capacity of our minds to deal rationally and lovingly with the situation. Yet the moment we become afraid, some of the blood leaves our brain, we cannot think as well, and we automatically go into fight or flight. That is when partners tend to fight or withdraw, neither of which leads to conflict resolution.

Obviously, fighting or fleeing is not the best way of dealing with conflict. Yet when fears are triggered – fears of losing the other through rejection or abandonment, or of losing yourself and being controlled by your partner – the stress response is automatically activated and you find yourself fighting or shutting down. Now matter how much you tell yourself that next time you will respond differently, the moment fear is activated you automatically attack, defend, yell, blame, or shut down through compliance or withdrawal.

What can you do about this?

There are two solutions to this dilemma.

The moment there is tense energy between you and your partner, it is best for both of you to walk away from the conflict for at least 15 minutes. During this time, you can calm down and do some inner work. As the stress response leaves your body, you can think better. This allows you to open to learning about your end of the conflict. Once you are clear about what you are doing that is causing the problem and what you need to do differently, you can reconnect with your partner and talk it out. Sometimes there is not even anything to talk out because the conflict was about the fight or flight rather than about a specific issue. More often than not, it is the stress response itself that is the issue. When you take the time to calm down, you might be able to apologize for your anger, blame, defensiveness or withdrawal, and the conflict is over.

The second solution is a longer-term solution. This is about doing enough inner work, such as the Inner Bonding process that we teach, so that your fears of rejection, abandonment, and engulfment gradually diminish. The more you learn to value yourself rather than expect your partner to define your worth and lovability, the less fear you have of rejection. The more you learn to take loving care of your own feelings and needs, the less dependent you are upon your partner. When your fear of rejection diminishes, so does your fear of engulfment. People give themselves up and allow themselves to be controlled and consumed by their partner as a way of avoiding rejection. When rejection is no longer so frightening, you will find that your fear of being controlled diminishes.

The less fear you have, the less you will be triggered into the stress response of fight or flight. The more secure you feel within due to learning to value yourself and learning to take loving care of yourself, the less fear you will feel in the face of conflict. This is when you stop being so reactive and are able to remain open and caring in the face of conflict.

There is no point in continuing a conflict when one or both of you are coming from fear. Continuing a conflict when the fight or flight response is activated will only erode your relationship. Until you can stay open-hearted in a conflict, it is best to continue to follow through on the first solution – taking a time-out until you feel open-hearted.

Author Bio
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. best-selling author of eight books, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. (ArticleGeek)

 
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Posted by on November 22, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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